Blurred vision

It's official: I cannot discern between truth, speculation and lies anymore. Curse politics and those who love such intrigues! May their love of lies consume them whole, strip them utterly of what little dubious reputation they have left, and every end they attempt to pursue fail miserably and leave them a laughingstock of their community!

I hate being a pawn. I hate how little say I have, how I can do little to change my situation, how I must cater and lie to people in order to please them.

I hate most of all how it has nothing to do with me.

To them, I am convenient. Not so much a person as a suitable place to launch their next attack against their enemy. I have been a convenience to many, many people for much of my life, for various uses. I am sick of being a mere convenience. When do I graduate to being a person?

I cannot believe what comes from their mouths. I don't know if the next thing I say will make them angry or happy. What do they want to hear? I wonder constantly, Do they want me to lie to them or tell the truth? When they tell me things, I am not sure if what they are saying is truth, lie, part truth, speculation, rumour. I am so confused - I can only watch, see if their actions match their words, wait and see, wait and see.
wait... and see.