protection?

What a word - a rare, marvellous word.

For those of you who have had the benefit of a protector/s during your life, count yourself as blessed. There have been very, very few protectors in mine. I'm not sure why - perhaps it's just people think that somehow I'll pull through. Although that has been true up to now, it has cost me dearly in the past. As a result, I have grown up not expecting protection -but desperately wanting it.

This holds dearest for my deepest desires in life.

My parents didn't pick up on how badly I wanted to do or have certain things. Like attend brownies/guides. Or be picked up on time. Some were big, others were little. and they missed them. and when I did present them with my desires, they disuaded me. or flat out forbade me. This wasn't everything, but it was many. enough to discourage me from pursuing what I really want. I stoppedpursuing things I desired. Seriously - the only reason I went to university at all was that people said I should go. Oh, and that it would get me out of the house - I had some drive still left in me.

So I went to university - and learned that I liked geochemistry, and that there were people who actually cared about me and would stand by me. Protection by peers.

Fast forward to this summer - one big step back. attacked by peers and my superior. screwed up big time, confidence shattered utterly, came back from the bush reeling, only to befurther harassed by my parents to make decisions and get moving on things when what I needed most was to recuperate from the summer. So I arrived in Thunder Bay an emotional wreck, only to get sideswiped by yet another stressful situation - a supervisor with an imbalance of power and no interest in letting me pursue my topic of interest.

Well, this week I get to present what I plan to work on as my thesis topic. I had thought up a topic I wanted to work on and showed it, rather timidly, to this supervisor. She was clearly displeased and thoroughly discouraged me from pursuing it. I was dpressed, and sleepless, and unsure of who to talk to, told the secretary about my troubles and that I was considering talking to the Dean.

I set some wheels in motion.

Next thing I knew, I am whisked away from the lab I was blearily TAing by my other supervisor. I am given a fuller rundown by my supervisor of the situation, and assurance that the situation will be dealt with promptly. Then, today, the grad rep comes and gets my side of the story, and tells me to pursue my topic of interest.

Wow. Just - wow. A million times Microsoft Vista's "wow".

I - I am protected.

I am having trouble wrapping my head around this. But... it feels good. I think. I hope it doesn't go away.