My own personal Crodcodile
Ever read Peter Pan? I haven't seen the Disney Movie, but I own the book. You know how Captain Hook was stalked around by the Crocodile... tic...tic...tic....
Right now, I can hear my crocodile... I suppose the mantra emanating from its belly would be "fail...fail...fail..."
It's a mantra that is firmly driven into my head. It has pursdued me through the mouths of others throughout my life: enemies, schoolmates, friends, people at church, even my parents. You won't succeed. You can't make it on you own. But we expect you to try to make it, anyway.
And now, as I have attained employment I wanted - field experience in my field - the old croc is back.
It got me a little over a year ago....
As many of you know, I am still, despite excersize and activity, overwight. Obese, actually, in terms of weight alone (my body mass index says otherwise) but nonetheless, I don't look as I ought. However, throughout field schools, I could keep pace and was handy with map and compass, so it was no big deal.
Until someone at the GSC pointed it out to me. The GSC. Geological Survey of Canada. Who hold themselves to be a herald of Affirmative Action. Telling me I am unfit for the job. It... it stunned me. At the end of my University career I thought I had finally escaped the petty notions of judgement on first appearance, only to be broadsided by it by a government agency.
I stopped handing out resumes immediately.
My parents urged me to apply for jobs, but I couldn't bring myself to... my fragile confidence had been shattered once again.
So, I am nervous... I have been accepted by telephone interview for this job. What will they say when they see me? So many times people just slough me off when they meet me, and I have to fight to earn their grudging respect. how much longer do I have to go on fighting? Will I have to fight? Will the guys deride me, as usual? and then I have to spend three months with these people up in the middle of nowhere. and then I have to see about a full time job for the fall (hopefully as a Lab technician), and I was thinking about going to Australia. and I have to finish cleaning my room. And get my Pleasure craft licence. And first Aid certification. And pack. And I'm typing this at 2 am because I can't sleep. IK guess I'd better try - Did I mention I'm working part time right now for a week?
Right now, I can hear my crocodile... I suppose the mantra emanating from its belly would be "fail...fail...fail..."
It's a mantra that is firmly driven into my head. It has pursdued me through the mouths of others throughout my life: enemies, schoolmates, friends, people at church, even my parents. You won't succeed. You can't make it on you own. But we expect you to try to make it, anyway.
And now, as I have attained employment I wanted - field experience in my field - the old croc is back.
It got me a little over a year ago....
As many of you know, I am still, despite excersize and activity, overwight. Obese, actually, in terms of weight alone (my body mass index says otherwise) but nonetheless, I don't look as I ought. However, throughout field schools, I could keep pace and was handy with map and compass, so it was no big deal.
Until someone at the GSC pointed it out to me. The GSC. Geological Survey of Canada. Who hold themselves to be a herald of Affirmative Action. Telling me I am unfit for the job. It... it stunned me. At the end of my University career I thought I had finally escaped the petty notions of judgement on first appearance, only to be broadsided by it by a government agency.
I stopped handing out resumes immediately.
My parents urged me to apply for jobs, but I couldn't bring myself to... my fragile confidence had been shattered once again.
So, I am nervous... I have been accepted by telephone interview for this job. What will they say when they see me? So many times people just slough me off when they meet me, and I have to fight to earn their grudging respect. how much longer do I have to go on fighting? Will I have to fight? Will the guys deride me, as usual? and then I have to spend three months with these people up in the middle of nowhere. and then I have to see about a full time job for the fall (hopefully as a Lab technician), and I was thinking about going to Australia. and I have to finish cleaning my room. And get my Pleasure craft licence. And first Aid certification. And pack. And I'm typing this at 2 am because I can't sleep. IK guess I'd better try - Did I mention I'm working part time right now for a week?
posted by NinjaRaven at 10:10 PM
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