Friday, April 28, 2006

the Line in the sand and the Narrow mountain trail

Wow, was that fast.
I don't know what you may believe in, but I am a Christain, and the happenings of today merely confirm that there is a God and He does have a vested interest in my health and well-being. I asked last Sunday for people at my church to pray for me, as I had no job. To give you an idea, I have put out only one resume this year - just one, before I left for my trip to India. And today I got two - yes two- interviews out of it and one job offer. That job will be up north for three months starting the end of May. In addition, I got offered about a week's worth of Data entry by a member of our church. Call it luck, call it fate - I call it blessing. There's just been too many coincedences in my life to chalk it up to an uncaring force - someone up there (out there?) is looking after me. And seeing as it happens most often after praying to God and acknowledging Jesus as Messiah, I am left at the conclusion that it is most likely Him who is looking out for me. I also conclude that a god who is strong enough and kind enough to care about me and keep other powers at bay is more worthy of my allegiance than any other thing or person out there, my own wants and desires included.

In addition to there being a God, and Him caring about me (and the plight of others, for that matter) , I believe that there is a god, spirit or angel who hates me and wishes me dead. I know this because he has made several attempts on my life. I was nearly aborted by accident as a child (yep, almost never got here), choked on a hot dog at the age of six for probably close to an hour (I remeber being carried upside down-still choking- to the main office by my teachers. It also apparently made the valedictoy speech at the school) and nearly comitted suicide at the age of 14 after suffering emotional abuse and neglect from my parents, teachers and peers at school (for those of you in teaching, never, ever, turn a blind eye to what kids are doing to another student - you are in authority and they look to you to set the precedent). I never fit in - not even among those who didn't fit in. Kids hated and tried to get at me in any way they could - name calling, mean acts, silent treatment, exclusion or just simply silence out of fear. I only went to university because it fit with my goal - to get out of the hell of my parents' house and town (ironically, I have returned - but it has changed. we both have). There wasn't a goal beyond graduation - I explained that earlier. Yes, there has been someone who wanted me to quit before now - who wanted me to quit a long time ago. But - and this is important - he hasn't succeeded yet. This indicates that the one against me is not as powerful as the One who is for me.

This is what I believe - not because I learnt it in Sunday School, not because I have been "indoctrinated" by the church, not because it's what my parents believe (my parents would have pushed me to cynicism thorugh their hypocrasy) - it is what I have seen operating in my life and what I can draw from my observations.

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