Finishing what I started

I just spackled the myriad holes in the east wall of my bedroom shut after prepping the walls earlier today. tomorrow, once the compound has dried, I'll sand the wall smooth, Friday I plan to prime and Saturday put the top coat on. Seventeen years in this house, and only a handful of the rooms got painted. I'm so accustomed to living in unfinished conditions, so used to unfulfilled promises, dashed hopes and dreams. My dream was to finish university and die somehow. Oh, I entertained marriage as a possible alternative, but I never hung much hope on it - the last guy who ever showed serious interest was grade 9. Dead by the age of 25 - great, isn't it? I wonder how those who knew me at high school would think of it. Quite frankly, I'm still kinda entertaining the idea - I have an idea of what I would like to do with my life, but I'm not altogether sure how to pull it off. Wasn't exactly raised with self sufficiency in mind (I have come to the conclusion that few people are) - mom and dad were too self-absorbed to notice me unless I screamed for thier attention.

So here I am, $24 000 in debt to the bank, another $20 000 owed to my parents (I am lucky to have pulled off with only that much) and a desire to go back to school, but not sure where I want to go, and would like to go back to work in the lab, but I'm not sure where or how . I need a map. Or at least a guide. My dad is urging me to leave home - if you can call a mouldy, dirty, unfinished, messy house home. But I am reluctant to leave just yet. Hence the spackle...

I started painting my walls around Christmas time - mom was threatening to leave, and things were pretty much going to Hell in a handbasket at the time. I was hoping to leave for Australia in a few weeks' time, and decided that I wanted to at least finish my room before I left - so I'd have something good to come home to (we're trying to get the house finished, see - mom's always resented the house being unfinished). I figured that it would also teach me about what it cost to undertake such a project, and teach me how to do it for when I bought a house of my own. Rollers, paint, primer, spackle, tray - I paid for all. I got new curtains which match the colours - bright cheery orange and terra cotta. But it's not finished. And my family is very bad at finishing what we start. Mom lived in an unfinished house during her childhood - part of the reason she hates being here. So, though I want to leave home soon, I want this room finished. I wanna break the cycle of unfulfilled promises and finish what I set out to do. So I know I can do it.